


I Can't Stop Asking

by foundfamilyvevo



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Post-Canon, Recovery, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29978358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundfamilyvevo/pseuds/foundfamilyvevo
Summary: Things have been weird, since Willie moved in.Willie also has this weird sort of pain, maybe leftover from his curse, maybe his soul being a little battered and sore. But it’s this ache that sits just under his rib cage, that thuds with his heart, and that won’t shift. He lies awake at night and feels it, like a very blunt dagger, or a really cold stone. Sinking deeper and deeper in him, like his chest is a bottomless pool of water.//Or, Willie hasn't been hugged in awhile.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters & Willie, Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as a tumblr drabble and then i don't know what happened. title from kim addonizio's "the singing” where the full quote reads, “I don’t know what I want, only that I’m desperate for it, that I can’t stop asking.”

Things have been weird, since Willie moved in.

Not bad weird, Willie doesn’t think. Or, a little bad weird. But everything was going to be bad-weird, after what happened with Caleb, anyway. He’s trying to move on as best he can, but there’s a lot of adjustment at once, after he meets Julie and she breaks his curse and suddenly he is - as far as he can tell - a regular teenaged boy again, alive and well, able to graze his knees if he tumbles off his skateboard.

(Yes, he learned that the hard way).

Usually, Willie’s good with change. He likes life to stay fresh, and exciting. It’s just that sometimes he looks around the Molina’s spare room, with its cozy blue bedsheets and little bookshelf on the wall, and thinks about Ray Molina’s kind eyes and the way he’s basically adopted four ghosts that he knew nothing about prior to this out of the sheer goodness of his heart. Willie wonders if he’s stepping on people’s toes, by being here. If he’s in the way.

Everyone else knows each other so well already, is all, and he can’t help but suspect that maybe they resent him for causing all this trouble in the first place, no matter how many times Alex and Julie assure him that’s not the case. He just doesn't feel like he can ask for anything, since they've given him so much already.

And Willie also has this weird sort of pain, maybe leftover from his curse, maybe his soul being a little battered and sore. But it’s this ache that sits just under his rib cage, that thuds with his heart, and that won’t shift. He lies awake at night and feels it, like a very blunt dagger, or a really cold stone. Sinking deeper and deeper in him, like his chest is a bottomless pool of water.

It’s not all bad. Ray lets him skateboard in the little courtyard outside the garage, when he doesn’t feel like going far. He hangs out in the loft and sketches in a book Julie got him, as he listens to her and the boys rehearse. They sound amazing, and getting to watch Alex is Willie’s favourite thing. He looks so relaxed, when he’s drumming, so unselfconscious. Like Alex finally sees, in himself, the Alex that Willie sees all the time.

He just wishes Alex would be that Alex _around Willie, again_. The way he was before. Alex treats him so carefully now, so tentatively, like any wrong move could make Willie flinch.

Maybe Willie just flinches more than he used to. Maybe it’s not all Alex’s fault.

\--

The ache is back, and Willie’s lying awake, and staring at the ceiling, and wondering why Ray Molina has a copy of _The Communist Manifesto_ in his guest room, when Alex appears at the door. Not literally appears, as in poofs in, but appears by poking his head through the gap Willie left and saying, “Hey, are you still awake?”

Willie looks over at him. Alex is clearly dressed for bed (it’s weird, having to sleep again after all these years), and his blonde hair is all shaggy and in his eyes.

For some reason, the pain in Willie’s chest deepens further. Maybe it _is_ because of the curse. He knows how furious Caleb was about his feelings for Alex. How threatened he felt by them.

“Yeah,” Willie says, belatedly, when Alex gives him a stranger look than normal. “I mean. Apparently.”

“Can I come in?”

Willie nods, sitting up and shuffling his legs up so there’s room for Alex to sit on the end of the bed, which he delicately does.

“I just wanted to check on you,” Alex tells him, folding his hand in his lap and looking up at the roof, the way Willie was moments ago. Willie is looking now at the distance between his toes and Alex’s thigh.

In the past, he never would have hesitated to just tuck his cold feet under the legs of a boy he liked. In fact, that sounds exactly like the kind of thing Willie-from-before would do. He’s just not Willie-from-before anymore.

Usually good with change. Not sure how he feels about this change.

“Check on me?” he asks. Still looking at his feet, and Alex’s pajama-clad leg, and Alex’s hands in his lap, now. Wishing he was holding one of Alex’s hands.

God, his chest hurts. It makes him feel shaky.

“You’ve been... quiet?” Alex offers, and then cringes at himself like he regrets the word choice, his beautiful eyebrows pulling together, his beautiful mouth pulling to the side, his beautiful nose framed by the light from the hallway, streaming in through the gap in the half-open door. “Not that you can’t be quiet! Not that you were loud before, either, just...”

 _Not yourself_.

Alex doesn’t have to say it. Willie knows already. His throat feels tight, and man, he doesn’t want to cry in front of Alex, that would be such a shitty thing, after all of this. “I’m sorry,” Willie says softly, though he’s not even exactly sure what he’s apologising for.

Maybe for not being as much fun as he was before. For being yet another thing Alex has to worry about, now, instead of being somewhere Alex doesn’t have to worry about anything.

For some reason, those are the words that break Alex, that make him impulsive. It’s like he moves before he thinks, when he puts his hand on Willie’s knee, squeezes tight. His other hand he moves to Willie’s cheek, cupping his jaw, tilting his head up so they can look at each other properly. “Please don’t be sorry. None of this is your fault.”

The feeling of Alex’s hands burns and soothes all at once, and something in Willie breaks. The floodgates stored in his ribcage burst, the pain overwhelming and then washing away, and he feels the tears spilling over before he has a chance to stop or hide them. He can’t remember the last time someone touched him like this, so gently, with such kindness.

Oh. Yeah, he can. It was Alex, then, too.

“Shit,” Alex exclaims softly, trying to withdraw his hands, but that’s the last thing Willie wants, and he manages,

“Stay? Please, Alex, I can’t be-”

 _Okay, well,_ ‘ _alone again’ is a little melodramatic_ , he thinks to himself, even in the middle of his own breathless crying. _No need to take it that seriously, Will._ Alex is saying, “Okay, okay, I won’t go - I’m not leaving, just - what do I do? Am I helping or making it worse?”

Willie just surges forward, rolls onto his knees, and buries his face in Alex’s neck, arms around Alex’s shoulders. Alex holds him back, tight, soothes him in sounds more than words.

The pain washes away down the river. Everywhere Alex touches him, every time Alex runs a hand through Willie’s hair or down Willie’s spine, the ache recedes, reduces, dies down.

“I wanted to give you space,” Alex whispers, lips practically against his ear, the warmth like a bucket of water over Willie’s head in the best way. He’s doing some of his best overthinking, Willie can tell even through his upset. Alex is an astonishingly good multitasker. “But I gave you too much, huh? This... I should’ve been doing this.”

“You didn’t have to,” Willie says, sniffling in a truly disgusting way. “Shouldn’t have to now. Don’t want to make you worry.”

“Please make me worry,” Alex interrupts him. “Please. For once, let me play to my strengths?”

That startles a laugh out of Willie, and Alex grins, Willie can feel it against his face. Now that he’s done crying, now that they’re just sitting there holding each other, he can feel the blooming warmth inside him, the relief. The quiet.

“Better?” Alex asks.

Warmth where there was cold. Comfort where there was pain. It wasn't the curse after all, he guesses, but this is a change Willie can deal with. It’s not Caleb, haunting him still somehow. He just needed a hug. He hums his affirmation. “Can we just... stay like this, for a bit?”

“I guess so,” Alex groans, smiling, and laying back on the bed with his arm outstretched and welcoming, shaggy hair still in his pretty eyes. “I guess we can.” When Willie lays down on his arm, he says quietly, “Just. Tell me next time? If it gets like this? I just wanna help, but I can’t know what you need if you won’t ask me.”

Willie’s instinct is to brush him off, even after everything that’s happened, but the relief is still so palpable, and Alex seems so warm and genuine, and safe, like everything Willie’s ever dreamed of. Better than he deserves, for sure, but that doesn’t mean he has to say no. He’s seeing that now.

“I’ll ask,” he promises, and he means it. “I’ll ask you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since the night when Alex checked on Willie before bed, and something in Willie cracked open and, bright and burning, spilled out of him right into Alex’s hands, Alex has realised he has to do his best in a different way.
> 
> So he’s doing what he can. Pressing their legs together on the couch, when they’re sitting in the garage. Putting his arm around Willie’s shoulder when they’re walking. Running his fingers through Willie’s hair when they have a quiet moment alone.
> 
> Or, Alex is doing his best with Willie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey here's another follow-up to this. i have no idea if this is good. but it exists so here you go. thanks for reading!! this chapter is also available on tumblr here: https://sunsetcurvecuddles.tumblr.com/post/645622011091206144/hi-can-i-request-willex-and-cuddle

Alex is doing his best with Willie.

He’s been doing his best the whole time, obviously, but it’s hard. Willie won’t talk to him, or to any of them, about what happened in the in-between time. It’s just a mystery, from when Alex said goodbye to him outside the Orpheum to when Julie broke Willie’s curse on the street corner where they freed Nick from Caleb’s possession, all of it this blank, empty picture frame where Willie won’t connect any of the dots.

So Alex has been trying not to push him. At first he was trying to give him space, because that’s what Alex knows he’d want if he was in Willie’s position. Which, in hindsight, was stupid, because Willie is _nothing like Alex at all_.

Since the night when Alex checked on Willie before bed, and something in Willie cracked open and, bright and burning, spilled out of him right into Alex’s hands, Alex has realised he has to do his best in a different way.

So he’s doing what he can. Pressing their legs together on the couch, when they’re sitting in the garage. Putting his arm around Willie’s shoulder when they’re walking. Running his fingers through Willie’s hair when they have a quiet moment alone.

It seems to be working, for the most part. Willie’s eyes are brighter, his smiles are easier. Whatever weight was on his shoulders seems to be easing off. He still won’t talk to them about anything Before, but he’s more like himself, even if it’s a different self to the one Alex met when they first escaped from the dark room.

(He feels like Willie’s time away is sort of a dark room of its own. He gets why Willie doesn’t want to share it.)

One night when they’re finishing up from dinner, Willie comes up to Alex, asks him quietly, “Hey, hotdog, can I talk to you?”

He looks sun-touched, and glowy. He’s been spending a lot of time skating at the beach, down by the pier, which honestly makes Alex relieved and anxious in equal measure. Relieved, that Willie feels safe enough to venture further from the house than he did, because for awhile, he wouldn’t even let Julie out of his sight, let alone go exploring on his own. But anxious, too, because _Alex_ still worries that something will happen to Willie, even though he doesn’t want Willie to be scared about it any more. There’s been no sign of Caleb, but still. Alex can’t help but worry.

“Oh,” says Alex. He glances back over his shoulder, but Luke and Julie are clearing the table, and Reggie’s started the dishes. Catching his eye, Reggie gives him a big, soap-sudsy thumbs-up, which Willie definitely sees. Alex dies a little inside. “Yes, sure, let’s just - move somewhere else.”

Willie stifles a laugh, but it seems nervous, flighty, like his lungs are too much for his body. So Alex nods up the stairs, and follows after Willie.

Willie takes him to the spare room, the one Willie’s sort of made his own.

(Luke pretended to throw a fit about being Ray’s least-favourite son-in-law, but they all knew it was to save Willie from having to share the already crowded studio with the other three restored-to-life boys. Alex thinks this is reasonable, since that studio bathroom is definitely at capacity with the three of them.)

Willie turns to Alex as soon as they’re both inside with the door closed, and he looks resolute, but there’s an edge of nerves to his movements. Sighing, Willie runs his slender hands through his long hair.

Alex forgets what he’s thinking about for a moment. He’d seen guys, before, when he was alive, attractive guys even. After all, it hadn’t taken dying to work out he was gay. But whenever he saw Willie it just seemed like whatever he’d felt with those other boys had been a mistake, an imitation. Willie was the prettiest boy he’d ever seen.

“You said I could ask,” Willie says finally. His hands are clasped behind his head and he presses his elbows together, partially obscuring his face from view as he exhales. “You told me to.”

It takes Alex a scrambly moment to work out what he means. “Yeah. Yeah, I - is this...?” _Are you asking?_ he wants to say, but he doesn’t know if his own asking that would defeat the purpose.

Willie grips his own hair for a moment and then shakes himself, puts his arms down. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m asking for cuddles. Lame as that feels. Could I have a hug? Please?”

“Not lame,” Alex reminds him softly, smiling, even though it absolutely makes his heartbeat triple. Maybe he’s the one who’s lame. “Of course.”

“And I want to talk,” Willie says, just when Alex starts to reach for him, so he pauses. “I - can I tell you about what happened? I was worried about making you worried. But you told me not to worry about that, anymore.”

Alex feels a lump in his throat. Willie really listened to him. When Willie looks at him, resolved but a little haunted, Alex realises how much Willie must trust him, to ask for both those things at once.

“Okay,” he whispers, then hastily adds, “only if you want to, obviously.”

Nodding, Willie rubs down his own arms with his thumbs. “I do want to, I think. I think I’m ready.”

Willie sits on the edge of the bed. Alex sits down next to him. Almost instinctively, he realises he’s reverted to that same jumpy caution he had around Willie for weeks after they were reunited, but that was exactly what had caused the problem last time, so he takes a deep breath and pulls Willie close.

The warmth that blooms in his chest must be nothing compared to how Willie feels, because Willie’s body melts, practically turns to putty in Alex’s arms.

Willie’s been there for Alex through so much, listened to so many anxious rants, helped Alex express himself in so many ways he never felt able to before. It’s just what Willie’s like, and always has been, right from the start. It’s a relief to be able to finally return the favour.

“Talk to me,” Alex murmurs, hiding his face in Willie’s hair.

Willie reaches for one of Alex’s hands, and links their fingers together, one by one, his fingertips tapping Alex’s knuckles like they’re piano keys. He takes one last deep breath. And then he talks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And movie night has improved immensely since Willie’s settled in. He looks brighter and warmer every day, like an ember in the wind slowly turning back into a fire. More comfortable, more at ease, less likely to flinch when someone raises their arm too fast.
> 
> Which is good, because come movie night, they’re in full puppy-pile, cuddle-puddle mindset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more! i don't have an explanation either. i keep marking this complete and then adding to it lol. anyway pls enjoy! also available on tumblr: https://sunsetcurvecuddles.tumblr.com/post/645812329687252992/willex-pajamas
> 
> thanks so much for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :)

Movie night has long been Alex’s favourite night of the week. It’s an excuse to all bundle together in the Molina living room and bicker over what to watch and just not _stress_ for at least half an hour. Of course, he is still worrying, but maybe a small fraction less than he usually would. It’s worth it either way.

And movie night has improved immensely since Willie’s settled in. He looks brighter and warmer every day, like an ember in the wind slowly turning back into a fire. More comfortable, more at ease, less likely to flinch when someone raises their arm too fast.

The other boys have fully imprinted on Willie, by now. Luke took exactly one apology to forgive Willie for the missteps with Caleb; Reggie didn’t even need an apology. At first, following Alex’s lead, they had given Willie space, but Willie’s increased confidence must be obvious to Alex’s boys, too.

Because come movie night, they’re in full puppy-pile, cuddle-puddle mindset.

They’re watching Monster’s Inc., and as is movie night tradition for the Molinas, they’re all in their pajamas, matching cotton sets that Ray had gone to buy for them the day he found out they existed. (Alex begrudgingly admits that he loves Ray, despite his dad status). When Luke walks in from getting changed, he flops on the couch in between Julie and Willie, and plonks his legs in Willie’s lap, his head in Julie’s.

Willie blinks, looks to Alex instinctively for guidance. The baffled, lost look on his face almost makes Alex laugh; Willie doesn’t look upset, he just looks so confused. Alex gives him an encouraging grin, and doesn’t intervene, sitting down on the floor by the couch instead and leaning his head against Julie’s knee.

Carlos comes in next, flopping down cross-legged next to Alex with a comically huge bowl of popcorn, which he offers to Alex without looking over at him. Touched, Alex takes a few pieces. Meanwhile, Reggie follows him in and immediately perches up on the arm of the couch, always most comfortable when he sits somewhere strange and can drape his limbs everywhere. In true Reggie fashion, one of his arms sits around Willie’s shoulders, and he puts his cheek on the top of Willie’s head, sighing. "I'm so tired. Willie, you're so comfy. Play with my hair?"

Slowly, Willie says, "Sure, dude." He lifts a hand to run it through Reggie's hair, and Reggie hums happily, kicks his feet and sits back to enjoy the film.

Alex feels something blossom in his chest, even though he’s not involved at all. His boys, doing what they do best. He ends up falling asleep halfway through the movie, which is why, he guesses, he doesn’t realise when Willie starts to think too hard.

—

“Did you, uh. Did you say something to Luke? Or Reggie?”

Willie’s voice surprises Alex, and he looks up from his kit. He’s been trying reskin his snare drum for about an hour, using some materials Ray bought him and a YouTube tutorial (which Reggie had kindly set up and pressed ‘play’ on for him, since Reggie is getting the hang of 21st century technology much faster than Alex is). Still, it’s tricky to follow, and he’s happy for a break to rest his hands.

Willie’s question confuses him, though. “Uh... more specific, please?”

Willie grins a little, at that, but he looks apprehensive, one arm wrapped around his stomach. When he sits down near Alex, Alex scoots over so he can nudge their shoulders together. Willie exhales.

“Just, about this.” He gestures between them with one pretty, slender hand.

“About this?” Alex squeaks, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Um. No, I haven’t - well, we hadn’t put a label on it, yet, and I was sort of waiting for you? I-”

“No,” Willie gently interrupts him, looking more relaxed, more amused, “no, I meant about the - the hugging thing.”

“Oh.” Alex feels himself go redder still. “Oh. OH. Of course. Not about... No, yeah, that makes way more sense.”

They sit in silence for a moment. Alex’s brain is racing with _stupidstupidstupidstupid_ -

“So?” Willie cues him gently.

And that snaps Alex out if it. Willie’s so good at doing that, bringing Alex out of his head. “Of course I didn’t say anything,” Alex assures him. “They’re my friends, but that’s your business, dude. Why, what happened?”

Willie looks uncharacteristically flustered. “Nothing. Um. Just. They’ve been...Luke’s been all over me. And Reggie too. Like last night? During the movie? I just thought maybe it was because you’d asked them, or something.” There’s a shyness to how he glances down and bites his lip, adding, “Obviously, that was so dumb, I feel stupid now,” and his giggle sounds more nervous than like Alex’s favourite sound of Willie-glee.

“Hey, no, it’s not stupid, okay,” Alex says. “They’re just like that, especially Luke. He probably just saw me acting closer with you and took that as a green light to go ahead. I can tell him to back off if he’s bothering you. Reggie, too.”

“No,” Willie says, a little too quickly. Alex smiles, and Willie smiles back. “No. It’s fine.”

Alex reaches out to take Willie’s hand, and Willie lets him. Quietly, Alex reminds him, “They’re your friends, too. Okay?”

Willie swallows and nods. Squeezes Alex’s hand extra tight. “Okay.”

—

The next Movie Night, Alex comes into the living room to see Willie already sprawled on the couch, his feet in Luke's lap. Luke shoots Alex a look of pure disbelief and joy, trying to be subtle and absolutely failing, but his excitement doesn't seem to phase Willie. Alex drops down on Willie's other side and Willie lifts his head so Alex can rest it on his lap. Luke drops his arms to rest over Willie's calves, pats his knee, and Willie starts talking as if this is all normal. When Reggie comes in, he cheers, "Cuddle pile on Willie!" and dives onto the couch, knocking the air that they now need again from their lungs.

When Julie arrives and sees them all laughing hysterically, Willie crushed under them, she rolls her eyes before taking the only logical course of action and spreading herself on top of the pile.

Alex is happy here, even if Reggie's elbow is in his ribs and he can hardly breathe. His friends - his family - are warm, and safe, and solid, and real. Touching them will always prove, more than anything else, that they're all still together.

From the beaming grin on Willie's face, the way his eyes slip closed, the way he turns to bury his face in Alex's thigh, the way he pulls the other boys and Julie closer, he thinks Willie's pretty happy, too.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is also available on tumblr here: https://sunsetcurvecuddles.tumblr.com/post/645363447557718016/willex-stay  
> and you can access my tag of all things touch starved willie here if you like to suffer: https://sunsetcurvecuddles.tumblr.com/tagged/not+touch+starved+willie...+my+kryptonite....  
> feel free to come yell at me over there. kudos and comments feed the cthulu that is my writing self esteem!! netflix renew jatp you cowards


End file.
